For the past few months I have been trying to rid myself of my cell phone. One would think this would be a fairly easy task, you just chuck your phone over a bridge somewhere, consequences be damned. But when you have a friends, family, and a fiance, apparently you must be reachable at all times or people will think they think you are dead. I say "think they think," because even when I did have a cell phone, I never got random calls or texts asking if I was dead. In fact, I got very few calls and texts at all. I could have easily been dead, but really, I'm just not that popular.
So here I am, alive and well, and when I tell people I don't really want a cell phone, it's the same look I get when I tell people I don't drink- confusion and pity. They can barely fathom a life without their two social crutches. The first giving them the ability to talk, the second, removing it.
It all started when my good friend O told me about freedompop. Suddenly, paying $15/month for a dumbphone seemed stupid when I could have a smartphone for free. I signed up for a hotspot which gave me 500MB of 4G data for free and used fiance's abandoned HTC Incredible with Google Voice and Talkatone to mimic a smartphone. And it would've worked except that I didn't get 4G service anywhere. Also, I went from an absurdly small dumbphone to two different devices. Not smart.
Then FreedomPop came out with a free smartphone plan. 200 minutes, 500 texts, 500 MB of 4G/3G service for $0. I ordered it immediately. It took two months to arrive. During those two months, I essentially stopped using a cell phone. This is what I discovered:
Stopped Being Addicted to Facebook
When I first co-opted the Incredible, I went crazy. Every minute, no every second, I wanted to touch the phone. Even if the sound was on for notifications, I thought perhaps somebody was emailing me this very second. And when it turned out nobody was, I got distracted by Facebook which was right on my home screen. Once I went down the Facebook rabbit hole, it was endless. Even if I knew there was no possibility of new status updates (because I had just checked 2 minutes before), I still opened Facebook. Then I'd open my email. Then back to Facebook. I felt this intense dissatisfaction, my entire world was at my fingertips, but nobody was talking to me!
Email FTW
During those two months, I told everybody to email me. Google voice did allow me to get texts and calls, but only when I was on wifi or in a 4G area with my hotspot. What this really meant was that I could control when to communicate with others. There was nothing pinging at me, demanding my attention. There wasn't anything pinging at me, annoying others. Most things are not urgent. The phone does not know how to prioritize that.
Planning
Remember back in the day where you would make plans with somebody and you'd have to actually settle on where and when? And then you both would meet at the agreed upon place at the agreed upon time? Today you could spend 50 texts/emails decided on where to go and when and STILL end up with a text 5 minutes after you are supposed to have met that they are "on the way." Or you get a text the night before confirming. Or 10 minutes before.
If it's a group hang out, then all bets are off. Half of the people don't respond, another quarter say they might be free, and the last quarter can't agree on a time or place. But in a world where "I'm so busy" is a status symbol, if we agree on a time, we still have to agree on a place! So we all Yelp for 30 minutes but end up going with the original suggestion. If it's still open that is. If nobody can cancel on you last minute because you don't have a phone, you don't get cancelled on.
At the end of the day though, since everybody is in a smartphone bubble, their atrocious planning skills affect you anyway.
5 Things a Smartphone is Good For:
1. Maps
I have to admit, it was kind of nice being able to look up where I was going after I left the house. I imagined all sorts of impromptu places I would discover, but instead I ended up planning less and relied on my smartphone to save me. On balance, this is probably a negative disguised as a positive.
2. Calendar
Work, social life, holidays, birthdays, all this can be at the touch of your fingertips. Unfortunately, even with this and reminders, people seem to put you on their calendar and forget about you anyway. Mysteries of the universe.
3. More eco-friendly?
I suppose if you only bought a phone as often as you would buy a computer and you ignore that everything has to be run or stored on giant networks or servers that are on 100% of the time, that smartphones consume less energy to make and run. In my case, mine was used and it is can be charged on our solar panel too! The desktop requires me to turn on our internet router, monitor, and this beast of a machine (although this beast can play Starcraft so I forgive it).
4. Everything in your Pocket
Speaking of charging, assuming you don't run out of batteries, then you always have a camera, audio player, millions of movies, and all of the world's knowledge (and trolls) at the tip of your fingertips. If your like me and your case is also your wallet, well, just having one thing to grab when you go is pretty awesome. I also have to admit, having my camera sync up to all my devices is very handy.
5. I couldn't think of a 5th thing.
Consumption not Creation
This is perhaps the most dangerous part of smartphones, it is just too easy to passively consume and never create. I like writing. But since getting a smartphone all I can manage are half sentences in a gratitude onenote I keep on my home screen. If you want to write something substantial, if you want to reference other things, sitting at a desk with a real keyboard always wins. And, if you turn off your internet, you can even focus long enough to crank out one of these blog posts instead of feeling your brain is split into 100 different directions.
In the end though, I still have a smartphone on the free freedompop plan. I don't have to give a penny to those evil phone companies that dominate 90% of the ad slots on my hulu and make you sign unconscionable contracts. I still don't like how much internet I consume, so I still leave the data off unless I'm expecting a call and I still power it down when I don't expect to use it for over 4 hours. My friends, family, and wife don't like it, but it gives me the freedom of checking the internet when I want to, not when my smartphone demands it of me. And it makes me very conscious that I spend way too much time snuggling my smartphone.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Saturday, August 23, 2014
The Big 3-0
Today, I turn 30. A time for culturally enforced reflection as I begin another decade in my charmed life.
When I think about the person I was at 20 vs. today at 30, some things are exactly the same. Exhibit #1, a picture of me wearing my favorite black t-shirt when I was 21. Exhibit #2, I am in the exact same shirt two weeks ago.
Yup, Jess came to my wedding 9 years later.
In our culture, turning 30 seems to be a big deal. It’s the first birthday people try to hide. In fact, the other month, somebody was joking, “Is anybody really 29 or are they all lying?” At the time, of course, I was. There’s this expectation that you should have it figured out by now.
Well, news flash, nobody ever has everything figured out perfectly, ever. But here are some things I did figure out.
1. I like women. In fact, I married the love of my life on the longest day of this year, June 21, 2014. The wisest advice I’ve ever received is who you choose to marry is the greatest predictor of happiness. I love my wife so I love my life. She always challenges me to be a better person but is endlessly gracious when I turn out to be just human. I’m in awe of her maturity, depth of her love, and brilliance. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my decades with her and thrilled I finally found her. She was worth the soul searching, the coming out, and the wait.
2. My friends and family are still exceptional. Throughout the years some have fallen away and new ones have entered. But on my very special day, as so many have called it, we got the best presents- friendship and kinship. Showing their love by flying in to celebrate with us, some from as far as Taiwan. By being endlessly helpful- playing/singing music, cooking, cleaning, taking video, dancing, moving tables, setting up, landscaping, toasts, day of coordinating, carpooling, making bouquet/boutonniere, loaning us equipment, loaning us a venue, paying for rehearsal dinner, hauling compost, officiating, and making us laugh, cry and feel loved. Every single guest was so thrilled to help, thanking us for letting them, (this is just nuts). It made our wedding small, intimate, and fiercely unique. This is just one example! It’s been a lifetime of amazing friends and family.
3. Kindness is key. I still joke that if the first description of somebody is “nice,” that is a huge problem. But the older I get, the more I appreciate kind people. People who put others in front of themselves, who are generous with their time or money, who are open minded, and who look at the world as an inherently good place filled with people doing the best they can.
4. I still lead a blessed life. I have use of all my limbs (and digits too!). I still think I’m smart. Most days, I love my job. I’ve deeply examined what is important to me (relationships, environment, saving the world) and I live according to those values. If I were born at any other time, I wouldn’t be able to. In another decade, I couldn’t have gone to law school or married a white person. Less than a half century before that, women couldn’t vote or own property. Just 2 years ago, I couldn’t have married Laura. Just 2012! I’m so lucky!
Ultimately, it’s just another day. I’m going to live my life like I do every day. I’m going to spread love, be the best self I can be, and continue to make the world a better place.
When I think about the person I was at 20 vs. today at 30, some things are exactly the same. Exhibit #1, a picture of me wearing my favorite black t-shirt when I was 21. Exhibit #2, I am in the exact same shirt two weeks ago.
Yup, Jess came to my wedding 9 years later.
This is not my baby.
Some
things have changed a lot. When I was 20, I thought I knew it all. I
thought I was done growing and the world was mainly comprised of idiots
or me (or people who thought like me). I thought I was always right.
Hilariously enough, this is how I feel now when I talk to most people in
their early 20’s. Yes, Justina included.In our culture, turning 30 seems to be a big deal. It’s the first birthday people try to hide. In fact, the other month, somebody was joking, “Is anybody really 29 or are they all lying?” At the time, of course, I was. There’s this expectation that you should have it figured out by now.
Well, news flash, nobody ever has everything figured out perfectly, ever. But here are some things I did figure out.
1. I like women. In fact, I married the love of my life on the longest day of this year, June 21, 2014. The wisest advice I’ve ever received is who you choose to marry is the greatest predictor of happiness. I love my wife so I love my life. She always challenges me to be a better person but is endlessly gracious when I turn out to be just human. I’m in awe of her maturity, depth of her love, and brilliance. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my decades with her and thrilled I finally found her. She was worth the soul searching, the coming out, and the wait.
2. My friends and family are still exceptional. Throughout the years some have fallen away and new ones have entered. But on my very special day, as so many have called it, we got the best presents- friendship and kinship. Showing their love by flying in to celebrate with us, some from as far as Taiwan. By being endlessly helpful- playing/singing music, cooking, cleaning, taking video, dancing, moving tables, setting up, landscaping, toasts, day of coordinating, carpooling, making bouquet/boutonniere, loaning us equipment, loaning us a venue, paying for rehearsal dinner, hauling compost, officiating, and making us laugh, cry and feel loved. Every single guest was so thrilled to help, thanking us for letting them, (this is just nuts). It made our wedding small, intimate, and fiercely unique. This is just one example! It’s been a lifetime of amazing friends and family.
3. Kindness is key. I still joke that if the first description of somebody is “nice,” that is a huge problem. But the older I get, the more I appreciate kind people. People who put others in front of themselves, who are generous with their time or money, who are open minded, and who look at the world as an inherently good place filled with people doing the best they can.
4. I still lead a blessed life. I have use of all my limbs (and digits too!). I still think I’m smart. Most days, I love my job. I’ve deeply examined what is important to me (relationships, environment, saving the world) and I live according to those values. If I were born at any other time, I wouldn’t be able to. In another decade, I couldn’t have gone to law school or married a white person. Less than a half century before that, women couldn’t vote or own property. Just 2 years ago, I couldn’t have married Laura. Just 2012! I’m so lucky!
Ultimately, it’s just another day. I’m going to live my life like I do every day. I’m going to spread love, be the best self I can be, and continue to make the world a better place.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Illusion of Connectivity
Check out Xona Games for more mind benders!
Check out the picture above. Apparently if you are human, you see a
spiral, one continuous, connected line. But alas, it is only an
illusion. There are 9 separate circles, none of them interacting with
the other. This is how I feel about social media. This is how I feel
about technology today. This is how I feel about my generation. We sit
in separate circles thinking that we are connected but are not. An
illusion of connectivity.
A while back, my technology pusher O once again made a tempting offer to
get me into the game. O, the constant supplier of free or heavily
discounted technology that he is no longer using, offered me a Surface
RT + keyboard for $200. I would be propelled into the 21st century!
If you are my age, which teeters on the ledge of 30, you probably have a
smartphone. You probably have a laptop or tablet, and more often than
not it seems, both. Sometimes you have multiple sets of all of
these. 40% of us spend over 11 hours in front of some sort of device. We
are connected to the world 24/7, but how often do you feel a
connection?
You have all the knowledge of the world in your pocket but how often do
you use it for more than a distraction or proof at the dinner table that
you are right (again)? All of your friends are at your fingertips, but
how often do you reach out? We have six different ways to contact one
person and yet, we never use them. It's just an illusion of
connectivity.
Sherry Tukle
elaborates at TED that even when we do bother to reach out, we do so in
140 character snippets. A half read email is half responded. A chat
greeting that never gets answered, and neither party feels slighted
anymore. It has become perfectly acceptable to sign off a chat service
and never say goodbye to those you were conversing with.
Let's pretend this happened in real life. I'm walking down a street and
see a friend so I say, "Hi." If this were gchat (or trillian, or AIM or
whatever your poison), you would not even get a "hi" back. So I stop
saying hi to this friend, and sure enough they become another name on a
list of contacts I never contact.
In the increasingly rare situation where the friend does say "hi" back
in real time they are usually at work, other times they are out, but
either way, nobody sits down to chat anymore. It's a way to distract
ourselves from the task at hand. So I get half your attention, you get
half of mine. In the real world it would be like trying to have a
conversation with somebody watching tv. (Side note, IRL why do
restaurants encourage this kind of behavior by having roughly ONE
THOUSAND big screen tv's with or without the sound blaring?)
You'll never dig deeper than how are you? How's work? You'll never know
that I'm a real human with a thousand different feelings each day. That
I'm compressing my life on Facebook into thoughts and photos that
portray me the best. I recently asked a friend if I should consider
posting when I am lonely. Because you'll passively connect by looking at
my page and I'll passively connect by looking at yours and it'll appear
like we are always 100% happy. You don't need me to talk to you, you
don't need me as friend - your life is perfect already!
In this day of hyper connectivity, where I can reach a friend across the
country- no globe, it's not okay to feel lonely. So you go a little
crazy. When I first connected an inherited smartphone to WIFI, every
minute, no every second, I wanted to touch the phone. Even if the sound
was on for notifications, I thought perhaps somebody was emailing me
this very second. And when it turned out nobody was, I got distracted by
Facebook which was right on my home screen. Once I went down the
Facebook rabbit hole, it was endless. Even if I knew there was no
possibility of new status updates (because I had just checked 2 minutes
before), I still opened Facebook. Then I'd open my email. Then back to
Facebook. I felt this intense dissatisfaction, my entire world was at my
fingertips, but nobody was actually talking to me. Actually listening
to me. Actually conversing with me. Actually responding with more than a
"like."
In 140 characters, how am I suppose to convey all that I feel and do in
day? Of course I'm going to edit out my struggles and challenges. Of
course I'm only going to post pictures of me from the right side, with
my sunglasses on, conquering the world. I'm going to snip snip snip
until all that is left of me can be expressed in four letters. YOLO,
head down, distracted by your phone. LIKE, because forming a sentence
was too much thought. XOXO, even if we'd never touch in person.
So here it is for the world to see. My life is not perfect. Sometimes I
wonder if I will still change the world. Sometimes I dislike my job.
Sometimes I even dislike Fiancee. I get distracted. It can take me weeks
to get a small errand accomplished. I get lazy. I am currently without
wallet because I left it in a friend's car. That's right, I forget
things. I get bored. I get irritated. I get petty. And yes, I get lonely
too.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Biggest Baby In The World
Here I am holding the world's largest baby. Take a moment and guess how old this little one is.
...No cheating...
...
....
...I'm waiting...
...
...
Five months. This baby is five months old and in the top 99 percentile in weight, height, and cuteness (numbers may be hyperbolized). After this morning of holding her in my admittedly, very tan arms, I felt chest pains like I was being crushed. But it was so worth it. Baby C is a delight in every way, I spent a lot of the weekend just watching her watch the world. Everything new and unusual. Every second changed. From smile to laugh and even cry, she was the highest form of entertainment.
Mad respect for the mommy's out there. Baby C required attention what seemed like 100% of the time. There were 4 of us and we just barely managed to feed the gal (not me), change the gal (not me), and check facebook (sometimes me).
A couple of months ago, some friends asked us to co-house with them. I've always been a fan of the idea. Not only is it more sustainable to share housing, but the workload can be spread over more people. In our little community with our little one bedroom apartments, we each need to pay a wi-fi bill, clean, make dinner, and generally try to be adults. The idea of getting to share some of this pain (and joy) makes being an adult seem less daunting and less isolating. After all, some weeks the only people I talk to are from work and L. When I see friends at parties, our conversations rarely reach past what we've been up to. And if I only cared about that, then I'd just check facebook and call it a day. Tell me your hopes and dreams. Tell me your fears and problems. Tell me...
Monday, October 29, 2012
A New Journey
Dear Readers,
I have done it. I have moved (back) to suburbia. Type of land where my mother and father raised me. If this is a journey into sustainable American living, then it's apt that I live where half of Americans live. But that's not why I moved. I moved because I found a new job directing a non-profit which I deeply believe in.
And so I left many friends behind in beautiful (but foggy) San Francisco, moved in with L, and started a new life in get this, Pleasant Hill. Yes, it conjours up black and white notions of the movie Pleasantville for me as well.
But we didn't leave behind our bikes. We didn't leave behind composting. In short, we didn't leave behind our ideals. And despite the bad rap suburbia gets, I get suburbia. Even if it doesn't get me.
I can't tell you how many people have asked how we live without a car. Even our city friends wonder. But the truth of the matter is, suburbia is a pretty nice place to bike. The bike lanes (when there are ones) are wider and have less potholes. There are regional trails that connect through Walnut Creek, Alamo, San Ramon, all the way down to Dublin. Others that take us to Moraga. In fact, we went bike camping (60+ miles!) for the first time.
And while it is sad that our city doesn't take our compost, our apartment came with a trash can on the balcony and I started my own pile within. It doesn't even take that much work (and thanks to R+J for making it a vermipost!) and only smells when you open the lid and take a big whiff (guests of mine, please don't do that).
Speaking of apartment life, when I lived in the city, I brought all my neighbors cookies. I did the same out here. The difference is, we have our neighbors cell phone numbers. We make each other food. We ask for help (and rides). I couldn't even get a neighbor to come over once in SF (perhaps because they were embarrassed about their loud sex noises, but still). It's like Avenue Q, but with less singing.
So, in summary, this American life is great. Perhaps great enough...to continue blogging?
I have done it. I have moved (back) to suburbia. Type of land where my mother and father raised me. If this is a journey into sustainable American living, then it's apt that I live where half of Americans live. But that's not why I moved. I moved because I found a new job directing a non-profit which I deeply believe in.
And so I left many friends behind in beautiful (but foggy) San Francisco, moved in with L, and started a new life in get this, Pleasant Hill. Yes, it conjours up black and white notions of the movie Pleasantville for me as well.
But we didn't leave behind our bikes. We didn't leave behind composting. In short, we didn't leave behind our ideals. And despite the bad rap suburbia gets, I get suburbia. Even if it doesn't get me.
I can't tell you how many people have asked how we live without a car. Even our city friends wonder. But the truth of the matter is, suburbia is a pretty nice place to bike. The bike lanes (when there are ones) are wider and have less potholes. There are regional trails that connect through Walnut Creek, Alamo, San Ramon, all the way down to Dublin. Others that take us to Moraga. In fact, we went bike camping (60+ miles!) for the first time.
And while it is sad that our city doesn't take our compost, our apartment came with a trash can on the balcony and I started my own pile within. It doesn't even take that much work (and thanks to R+J for making it a vermipost!) and only smells when you open the lid and take a big whiff (guests of mine, please don't do that).
Speaking of apartment life, when I lived in the city, I brought all my neighbors cookies. I did the same out here. The difference is, we have our neighbors cell phone numbers. We make each other food. We ask for help (and rides). I couldn't even get a neighbor to come over once in SF (perhaps because they were embarrassed about their loud sex noises, but still). It's like Avenue Q, but with less singing.
So, in summary, this American life is great. Perhaps great enough...to continue blogging?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Irony
Is it ironic that my last post was about bike safety and this post is written with one hand since the other is broken from a bike/car accident? Probably (although ever since Alanis' rendition, I've had trouble keeping the definition of ironic straight).
Last week while biking, a driver opened their door without looking and I crashed into it and veered left. Then, to add injury to injury, I crashed into the car in the traffic lane as well. At this point I came to a stop on the ground. It hurt, a lot. And when I looked at my right hand I knew I was in for it- my middle finger was clearly dislocated (and it turns out broken as well)!
So not that I necessarily needed an excuse, but you will all have to forgive me for not blogging very much this month. Rest assured though that when I get this cast off and the okay from doctors, I will be right back on my bike. Drivers, please be careful when opening your doors, it's the law!
And since the last post ended with a resounding support for a superiority complex, here is another example. A direct quote from Freecycle SF:
"My MIL was baking while visiting and I have 2 sticks of new packaged butter. It's says it's not treated with RBGH, but I only feed my kids organic. Please specify a time you are picking up. I will set it outside for you" (emphasis added).
Not complete without the customary, "Sent from my iPhone." Got to love SF.
Last week while biking, a driver opened their door without looking and I crashed into it and veered left. Then, to add injury to injury, I crashed into the car in the traffic lane as well. At this point I came to a stop on the ground. It hurt, a lot. And when I looked at my right hand I knew I was in for it- my middle finger was clearly dislocated (and it turns out broken as well)!
So not that I necessarily needed an excuse, but you will all have to forgive me for not blogging very much this month. Rest assured though that when I get this cast off and the okay from doctors, I will be right back on my bike. Drivers, please be careful when opening your doors, it's the law!
And since the last post ended with a resounding support for a superiority complex, here is another example. A direct quote from Freecycle SF:
"My MIL was baking while visiting and I have 2 sticks of new packaged butter. It's says it's not treated with RBGH, but I only feed my kids organic. Please specify a time you are picking up. I will set it outside for you" (emphasis added).
Not complete without the customary, "Sent from my iPhone." Got to love SF.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Driving Habits
Kiplinger, some sort of financial magaine, had an article today entitled "Generation Y Giving Cars a Pass." This was a surprising article for two reasons. (1) Apparently I am of Generation Y (and so are you if you are between 21-30). I didn't know that, but I am happy to oblige, because Y is a great letter. One that starts my last name, for instance. (2) More importantly, I didn't realize this was a trend. I mean sure, I noticed it amongst my friends, but many of them live in the city and were recently in college (although now, upon further reflection, I realize that was 5 years ago). It has always puzzled me that people would be willing to walk across campus in college (15 minutes), but upon graduating, will drive far shorter distances (e.g. from one end of a parking lot to another).
I'm glad to hear that my generation is taking responsibility for the future into their own hands. Although I suspect we are also known for our shallowness/callowness- always plugged into some machine, I think this is one of our most significant contributions to our community. When public transit can take twice plus as long, it takes some serious commitment (and planning!) to take it. And while I use my train time to slow down, reflect and look out the window, apparently Generation Y "views commuting a few hours by car a huge productivity waste when they can work using PDAs while taking the bus and train." I can't believe a 2010 article used the term PDA.
Personally, I choose to live without a car because I like my lifestyle. I like my super short work commute (2 miles, 15 minutes by bike). I like saving $10,000/year (AAA numbers on average cost of a car/year) so I can choose a job I love and eat good food. I like the increased health benefits (20 to 1), even taking into account the increased risk of death (depending on how you run the numbers, bikes have less deaths per trips but more deaths per mile). And finally, I like the efficiency of combining my wind-down, with exercise, with commute, with catching up to cars at the next light, with advanced brain activity (is that car going to turn, YES?? CRAP!) and with, last but not least, feeling superior to everybody else.
I'm glad to hear that my generation is taking responsibility for the future into their own hands. Although I suspect we are also known for our shallowness/callowness- always plugged into some machine, I think this is one of our most significant contributions to our community. When public transit can take twice plus as long, it takes some serious commitment (and planning!) to take it. And while I use my train time to slow down, reflect and look out the window, apparently Generation Y "views commuting a few hours by car a huge productivity waste when they can work using PDAs while taking the bus and train." I can't believe a 2010 article used the term PDA.
Personally, I choose to live without a car because I like my lifestyle. I like my super short work commute (2 miles, 15 minutes by bike). I like saving $10,000/year (AAA numbers on average cost of a car/year) so I can choose a job I love and eat good food. I like the increased health benefits (20 to 1), even taking into account the increased risk of death (depending on how you run the numbers, bikes have less deaths per trips but more deaths per mile). And finally, I like the efficiency of combining my wind-down, with exercise, with commute, with catching up to cars at the next light, with advanced brain activity (is that car going to turn, YES?? CRAP!) and with, last but not least, feeling superior to everybody else.
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