The Big 3-0

Today, I turn 30. A time for culturally enforced reflection as I begin another decade in my charmed life. 

When I think about the person I was at 20 vs. today at 30, some things are exactly the same. Exhibit #1, a picture of me wearing my favorite black t-shirt when I was 21. Exhibit #2, I am in the exact same shirt two weeks ago.

Yup, Jess came to my wedding 9 years later.

                                           This is not my baby.                                                                              

Some things have changed a lot. When I was 20, I thought I knew it all. I thought I was done growing and the world was mainly comprised of idiots or me (or people who thought like me). I thought I was always right. Hilariously enough, this is how I feel now when I talk to most people in their early 20’s. Yes, Justina included.

In our culture, turning 30 seems to be a big deal. It’s the first birthday people try to hide. In fact, the other month, somebody was joking, “Is anybody really 29 or are they all lying?” At the time, of course, I was. There’s this expectation that you should have it figured out by now. 

Well, news flash, nobody ever has everything figured out perfectly, ever. But here are some things I did figure out. 

1.      I like women. In fact, I married the love of my life on the longest day of this year, June 21, 2014. The wisest advice I’ve ever received is who you choose to marry is the greatest predictor of happiness. I love my wife so I love my life. She always challenges me to be a better person but is endlessly gracious when I turn out to be just human. I’m in awe of her maturity, depth of her love, and brilliance. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my decades with her and thrilled I finally found her. She was worth the soul searching, the coming out, and the wait. 

2.      My friends and family are still exceptional. Throughout the years some have fallen away and new ones have entered. But on my very special day, as so many have called it, we got the best presents- friendship and kinship. Showing their love by flying in to celebrate with us, some from as far as Taiwan. By being endlessly helpful- playing/singing music, cooking, cleaning, taking video, dancing, moving tables, setting up, landscaping, toasts, day of coordinating, carpooling, making bouquet/boutonniere, loaning us equipment, loaning us a venue, paying for rehearsal dinner, hauling compost, officiating, and making us laugh, cry and feel loved. Every single guest was so thrilled to help, thanking us for letting them, (this is just nuts). It made our wedding small, intimate, and fiercely unique. This is just one example! It’s been a lifetime of amazing friends and family. 

3.      Kindness is key. I still joke that if the first description of somebody is “nice,” that is a huge problem. But the older I get, the more I appreciate kind people. People who put others in front of themselves, who are generous with their time or money, who are open minded, and who look at the world as an inherently good place filled with people doing the best they can. 

4.      I still lead a blessed life. I have use of all my limbs (and digits too!). I still think I’m smart. Most days, I love my job. I’ve deeply examined what is important to me (relationships, environment, saving the world) and I live according to those values. If I were born at any other time, I wouldn’t be able to. In another decade, I couldn’t have gone to law school or married a white person. Less than a half century before that, women couldn’t vote or own property. Just 2 years ago, I couldn’t have married Laura. Just 2012! I’m so lucky!

Ultimately, it’s just another day. I’m going to live my life like I do every day. I’m going to spread love, be the best self I can be, and continue to make the world a better place.

Illusion of Connectivity

Check out Xona Games for more mind benders!

Check out the picture above. Apparently if you are human, you see a spiral, one continuous, connected line. But alas, it is only an illusion. There are 9 separate circles, none of them interacting with the other. This is how I feel about social media. This is how I feel about technology today. This is how I feel about my generation. We sit in separate circles thinking that we are connected but are not. An illusion of connectivity.

A while back, my technology pusher O once again made a tempting offer to get me into the game. O, the constant supplier of free or heavily discounted technology that he is no longer using, offered me a Surface RT  + keyboard for $200. I would be propelled into the 21st century! 

If you are my age, which teeters on the ledge of 30, you probably have a smartphone. You probably have a laptop or tablet, and more often than not it seems, both. Sometimes you have multiple sets of all of these. 40% of us spend over 11 hours in front of some sort of device. We are connected to the world 24/7, but how often do you feel a connection?  

You have all the knowledge of the world in your pocket but how often do you use it for more than a distraction or proof at the dinner table that you are right (again)? All of your friends are at your fingertips, but how often do you reach out? We have six different ways to contact one person and yet, we never use them. It's just an illusion of connectivity.

Sherry Tukle elaborates at TED that even when we do bother to reach out, we do so in 140 character snippets. A half read email is half responded. A chat greeting that never gets answered, and neither party feels slighted anymore. It has become perfectly acceptable to sign off a chat service and never say goodbye to those you were conversing with. 

Let's pretend this happened in real life. I'm walking down a street and see a friend so I say, "Hi." If this were gchat (or trillian, or AIM or whatever your poison), you would not even get a "hi" back. So I stop saying hi to this friend, and sure enough they become another name on a list of contacts I never contact. 

In the increasingly rare situation where the friend does say "hi" back in real time they are usually at work, other times they are out, but either way, nobody sits down to chat anymore. It's a way to distract ourselves from the task at hand. So I get half your attention, you get half of mine. In the real world it would be like trying to have a conversation with somebody watching tv. (Side note, IRL why do restaurants encourage this kind of behavior by having roughly ONE THOUSAND big screen tv's with or without the sound blaring?) 

You'll never dig deeper than how are you? How's work? You'll never know that I'm a real human with a thousand different feelings each day. That I'm compressing my life on Facebook into thoughts and photos that portray me the best. I recently asked a friend if I should consider posting when I am lonely. Because you'll passively connect by looking at my page and I'll passively connect by looking at yours and it'll appear like we are always 100% happy. You don't need me to talk to you, you don't need me as friend - your life is perfect already! 

In this day of hyper connectivity, where I can reach a friend across the country- no globe, it's not okay to feel lonely. So you go a little crazy. When I first connected an inherited smartphone to WIFI, every minute, no every second, I wanted to touch the phone. Even if the sound was on for notifications, I thought perhaps somebody was emailing me this very second. And when it turned out nobody was, I got distracted by Facebook which was right on my home screen. Once I went down the Facebook rabbit hole, it was endless. Even if I knew there was no possibility of new status updates (because I had just checked 2 minutes before), I still opened Facebook. Then I'd open my email. Then back to Facebook. I felt this intense dissatisfaction, my entire world was at my fingertips, but nobody was actually talking to me. Actually listening to me. Actually conversing with me.  Actually responding with more than a "like."

In 140 characters, how am I suppose to convey all that I feel and do in day? Of course I'm going to edit out my struggles and challenges. Of course I'm only going to post pictures of me from the right side, with my sunglasses on, conquering the world. I'm going to snip snip snip until all that is left of me can be expressed in four letters. YOLO, head down, distracted by your phone. LIKE, because forming a sentence was too much thought. XOXO, even if we'd never touch in person.

So here it is for the world to see. My life is not perfect. Sometimes I wonder if I will still change the world. Sometimes I dislike my job. Sometimes I even dislike Fiancee. I get distracted. It can take me weeks to get a small errand accomplished. I get lazy. I am currently without wallet because I left it in a friend's car. That's right, I forget things. I get bored. I get irritated. I get petty. And yes, I get lonely too.

Biggest Baby In The World

Here I am holding the world's largest baby. Take a moment and guess how old this little one is. 

...No cheating...

...

....

...I'm waiting...

...

...

Five months. This baby is five months old and in the top 99 percentile in weight, height, and cuteness (numbers may be hyperbolized). After this morning of holding her in my admittedly, very tan arms, I felt chest pains like I was being crushed. But it was so worth it. Baby C is a delight in every way, I spent a lot of the weekend just watching her watch the world. Everything new and unusual. Every second changed. From smile to laugh and even cry, she was the highest form of entertainment.

Mad respect for the mommy's out there. Baby C required attention what seemed like 100% of the time. There were 4 of us and we just barely managed to feed the gal (not me), change the gal (not me), and check facebook (sometimes me). 

A couple of months ago, some friends asked us to co-house with them. I've always been a fan of the idea. Not only is it more sustainable to share housing, but the workload can be spread over more people. In our little community with our little one bedroom apartments, we each need to pay a wi-fi bill, clean, make dinner, and generally try to be adults. The idea of getting to share some of this pain (and joy) makes being an adult seem less daunting and less isolating. After all, some weeks the only people I talk to are from work and L. When I see friends at parties, our conversations rarely reach past what we've been up to. And if I only cared about that, then I'd just check facebook and call it a day. Tell me your hopes and dreams. Tell me your fears and problems. Tell me...

A New Journey

Dear Readers,

I have done it. I have moved (back) to suburbia. Type of land where my mother and father raised me. If this is a journey into sustainable American living, then it's apt that I live where half of Americans live. But that's not why I moved. I moved because I found a new job directing a non-profit which I deeply believe in.

And so I left many friends behind in beautiful (but foggy) San Francisco, moved in with L, and started a new life in get this, Pleasant Hill. Yes, it conjours up black and white notions of the movie Pleasantville for me as well.

But we didn't leave behind our bikes. We didn't leave behind composting. In short, we didn't leave behind our ideals. And despite the bad rap suburbia gets, I get suburbia. Even if it doesn't get me.

I can't tell you how many people have asked how we live without a car. Even our city friends wonder. But the truth of the matter is, suburbia is a pretty nice place to bike. The bike lanes (when there are ones) are wider and have less potholes. There are regional trails that connect through Walnut Creek, Alamo, San Ramon, all the way down to Dublin. Others that take us to Moraga. In fact, we went bike camping (60+ miles!) for the first time.

And while it is sad that our city doesn't take our compost, our apartment came with a trash can on the balcony and I started my own pile within. It doesn't even take that much work (and thanks to R+J for making it a vermipost!) and only smells when you open the lid and take a big whiff (guests of mine, please don't do that).

Speaking of apartment life, when I lived in the city, I brought all my neighbors cookies. I did the same out here. The difference is, we have our neighbors cell phone numbers. We make each other food. We ask for help (and rides). I couldn't even get a neighbor to come over once in SF (perhaps because they were embarrassed about their loud sex noises, but still). It's like Avenue Q, but with less singing.

So, in summary, this American life is great. Perhaps great enough...to continue blogging?

Irony

Is it ironic that my last post was about bike safety and this post is written with one hand since the other is broken from a bike/car accident? Probably (although ever since Alanis' rendition, I've had trouble keeping the definition of ironic straight).

Last week while biking, a driver opened their door without looking and I crashed into it and veered left. Then, to add injury to injury, I crashed into the car in the traffic lane as well. At this point I came to a stop on the ground. It hurt, a lot. And when I looked at my right hand I knew I was in for it- my middle finger was clearly dislocated (and it turns out broken as well)!

So not that I necessarily needed an excuse, but you will all have to forgive me for not blogging very much this month. Rest assured though that when I get this cast off and the okay from doctors, I will be right back on my bike. Drivers, please be careful when opening your doors, it's the law!

And since the last post ended with a resounding support for a superiority complex, here is another example. A direct quote from Freecycle SF:

"My MIL was baking while visiting and I have 2 sticks of new packaged butter. It's says it's not treated with RBGH, but I only feed my kids organic. Please specify a time you are picking up. I will set it outside for you" (emphasis added).

Not complete without the customary, "Sent from my iPhone." Got to love SF.

Driving Habits

Kiplinger, some sort of financial magaine, had an article today entitled "Generation Y Giving Cars a Pass." This was a surprising article for two reasons. (1) Apparently I am of Generation Y (and so are you if you are between 21-30). I didn't know that, but I am happy to oblige, because Y is a great letter. One that starts my last name, for instance. (2) More importantly, I didn't realize this was a trend. I mean sure, I noticed it amongst my friends, but many of them live in the city and were recently in college (although now, upon further reflection, I realize that was 5 years ago). It has always puzzled me that people would be willing to walk across campus in college (15 minutes), but upon graduating, will drive far shorter distances (e.g. from one end of a parking lot to another).

I'm glad to hear that my generation is taking responsibility for the future into their own hands. Although I suspect we are also known for our shallowness/callowness- always plugged into some machine, I think this is one of our most significant contributions to our community. When public transit can take twice plus as long, it takes some serious commitment (and planning!) to take it. And while I use my train time to slow down, reflect and look out the window, apparently Generation Y "views commuting a few hours by car a huge productivity waste when they can work using PDAs while taking the bus and train." I can't believe a 2010 article used the term PDA.

Personally, I choose to live without a car because I like my lifestyle. I like my super short work commute (2 miles, 15 minutes by bike). I like saving $10,000/year (AAA numbers on average cost of a car/year) so I can choose a job I love and eat good food. I like the increased health benefits (20 to 1), even taking into account the increased risk of death (depending on how you run the numbers, bikes have less deaths per trips but more deaths per mile). And finally, I like the efficiency of combining my wind-down, with exercise, with commute, with catching up to cars at the next light, with advanced brain activity (is that car going to turn, YES?? CRAP!) and with, last but not least, feeling superior to everybody else.

Why I Stay In The City- Community

I constantly think this city is too cool for me. After all, most days all I want to do is stay at home and cook. But yesterday night, Pumpkin and I went for unplanned night on the town.

First we stopped by Freewheel Cyclery (I mean really, in a city with so many bike shops, hipsters get their own, how can I compete?) where Pumpkin had bought her new front chainrings/crank arms because she had somehow managed to crack her old one. We were trying to borrow a crank puller, since mine was incompatible with her bike. However, renting tools is $10/day ($30/6 months) at Freewheel and since I was going to use it for a grand total of 2 minutes, I didn't feel like forking up. If I didn't already have a toolkit, I think the $30 rate would be pretty reasonable (not to mention sustainable) and sure enough, we saw somebody working on his fixie.

With the first part of our night's plan a bust, we moved on to the second- dinner! I've been meaning to try NOPA for a while (not every restaurant gets to name a neighborhood) and knew reservations were totally booked so we decided to give drop in a try. Only a 1 hour and 45 minute wait, crazy. But I put my name down and we decided to walk around. I had seen park(ing) at Fell on my bike ride home so we stopped there to grab some free tea and sit in what normally is normally a parking spot. Most of them were converted thanks to rugs and potted plants. The transformation was impressive. We sat on the side of a 3 lane one way road, a main artery of San Francisco and felt completely safe. The newly green bike lane certainly helped.

Then we decided to check out a "game cafe" as Pumpkin put it which I very excitedly thought might mean a LAN cafe and STARCRAFT 2, but she meant the old school board games. At any rate it was closed, but every Wednesday they have game night courtesy of Gamescape. So you may find me on the corner of Oak and Divis next Wednesday!

Onwards we treked till a few doors down where the store was not only open, but there seemed to be some sort of party inside. As we peered in, somebody demanded we come in and explained it was a Earth Magic Product Opening. And it was truly magic. Desserts and drink, free massages, a tarot card reader and good music!

ZOMG, cupcakes, fudge, brownies, blondies, and blackberry turnovers! They even had non-alcoholic beverages so I happily sipped on some Martinelli's while listening to an amazing violin and guitar duo, The Jaunting Martyrs.

Good voices, solid talent on the instruments AND food? I was in heaven. So much so that while waiting for a free massage, we missed the call from NOPA to come back (my, doesn't time fly).

By the time we got back to NOPA, we had missed our table (and I missed the massage, darn). But when we were seated, we got the best seat in the house:

We watched this guy spin magic with pizza, warm olives, sardines, and vegetables all night. Not pictured is the giant fire grill to the left where rotisserie chicken hung and burgers and pork chops flipped. At first I was peeved to be sitting without back support (we were on bar seats) but the entertainment value quickly made it worth it.

But the best view (and taste) of all were our dishes. Mine a seared duck breast with figs, creamed corn and greens while Pumpkin had a pork chop with greens and beans. I thought both pieces were good, especially my duck breast which was moist and tender. Generally, I think pricey restaurants aren't worth it, but I think general ambiance, cooking entertainment, and quality of food made this night memorable.

So here's to SF, making an unplanned night on the town a total success. And, besides the pricy fancy food, the entire evening was free and surrounded by neighbors!