Today, I turn 30. A time for culturally enforced reflection as I begin another decade in my charmed life.
When I think about the person I was at 20 vs. today at 30, some things are exactly the same. Exhibit #1, a picture of me wearing my favorite black t-shirt when I was 21. Exhibit #2, I am in the exact same shirt two weeks ago.
Yup, Jess came to my wedding 9 years later.
In our culture, turning 30 seems to be a big deal. It’s the first birthday people try to hide. In fact, the other month, somebody was joking, “Is anybody really 29 or are they all lying?” At the time, of course, I was. There’s this expectation that you should have it figured out by now.
Well, news flash, nobody ever has everything figured out perfectly, ever. But here are some things I did figure out.
1. I like women. In fact, I married the love of my life on the longest day of this year, June 21, 2014. The wisest advice I’ve ever received is who you choose to marry is the greatest predictor of happiness. I love my wife so I love my life. She always challenges me to be a better person but is endlessly gracious when I turn out to be just human. I’m in awe of her maturity, depth of her love, and brilliance. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my decades with her and thrilled I finally found her. She was worth the soul searching, the coming out, and the wait.
2. My friends and family are still exceptional. Throughout the years some have fallen away and new ones have entered. But on my very special day, as so many have called it, we got the best presents- friendship and kinship. Showing their love by flying in to celebrate with us, some from as far as Taiwan. By being endlessly helpful- playing/singing music, cooking, cleaning, taking video, dancing, moving tables, setting up, landscaping, toasts, day of coordinating, carpooling, making bouquet/boutonniere, loaning us equipment, loaning us a venue, paying for rehearsal dinner, hauling compost, officiating, and making us laugh, cry and feel loved. Every single guest was so thrilled to help, thanking us for letting them, (this is just nuts). It made our wedding small, intimate, and fiercely unique. This is just one example! It’s been a lifetime of amazing friends and family.
3. Kindness is key. I still joke that if the first description of somebody is “nice,” that is a huge problem. But the older I get, the more I appreciate kind people. People who put others in front of themselves, who are generous with their time or money, who are open minded, and who look at the world as an inherently good place filled with people doing the best they can.
4. I still lead a blessed life. I have use of all my limbs (and digits too!). I still think I’m smart. Most days, I love my job. I’ve deeply examined what is important to me (relationships, environment, saving the world) and I live according to those values. If I were born at any other time, I wouldn’t be able to. In another decade, I couldn’t have gone to law school or married a white person. Less than a half century before that, women couldn’t vote or own property. Just 2 years ago, I couldn’t have married Laura. Just 2012! I’m so lucky!
Ultimately, it’s just another day. I’m going to live my life like I do every day. I’m going to spread love, be the best self I can be, and continue to make the world a better place.
When I think about the person I was at 20 vs. today at 30, some things are exactly the same. Exhibit #1, a picture of me wearing my favorite black t-shirt when I was 21. Exhibit #2, I am in the exact same shirt two weeks ago.
Yup, Jess came to my wedding 9 years later.
This is not my baby.
Some
things have changed a lot. When I was 20, I thought I knew it all. I
thought I was done growing and the world was mainly comprised of idiots
or me (or people who thought like me). I thought I was always right.
Hilariously enough, this is how I feel now when I talk to most people in
their early 20’s. Yes, Justina included.In our culture, turning 30 seems to be a big deal. It’s the first birthday people try to hide. In fact, the other month, somebody was joking, “Is anybody really 29 or are they all lying?” At the time, of course, I was. There’s this expectation that you should have it figured out by now.
Well, news flash, nobody ever has everything figured out perfectly, ever. But here are some things I did figure out.
1. I like women. In fact, I married the love of my life on the longest day of this year, June 21, 2014. The wisest advice I’ve ever received is who you choose to marry is the greatest predictor of happiness. I love my wife so I love my life. She always challenges me to be a better person but is endlessly gracious when I turn out to be just human. I’m in awe of her maturity, depth of her love, and brilliance. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my decades with her and thrilled I finally found her. She was worth the soul searching, the coming out, and the wait.
2. My friends and family are still exceptional. Throughout the years some have fallen away and new ones have entered. But on my very special day, as so many have called it, we got the best presents- friendship and kinship. Showing their love by flying in to celebrate with us, some from as far as Taiwan. By being endlessly helpful- playing/singing music, cooking, cleaning, taking video, dancing, moving tables, setting up, landscaping, toasts, day of coordinating, carpooling, making bouquet/boutonniere, loaning us equipment, loaning us a venue, paying for rehearsal dinner, hauling compost, officiating, and making us laugh, cry and feel loved. Every single guest was so thrilled to help, thanking us for letting them, (this is just nuts). It made our wedding small, intimate, and fiercely unique. This is just one example! It’s been a lifetime of amazing friends and family.
3. Kindness is key. I still joke that if the first description of somebody is “nice,” that is a huge problem. But the older I get, the more I appreciate kind people. People who put others in front of themselves, who are generous with their time or money, who are open minded, and who look at the world as an inherently good place filled with people doing the best they can.
4. I still lead a blessed life. I have use of all my limbs (and digits too!). I still think I’m smart. Most days, I love my job. I’ve deeply examined what is important to me (relationships, environment, saving the world) and I live according to those values. If I were born at any other time, I wouldn’t be able to. In another decade, I couldn’t have gone to law school or married a white person. Less than a half century before that, women couldn’t vote or own property. Just 2 years ago, I couldn’t have married Laura. Just 2012! I’m so lucky!
Ultimately, it’s just another day. I’m going to live my life like I do every day. I’m going to spread love, be the best self I can be, and continue to make the world a better place.
